In the last couple days, I’ve been lucky enough to have a few conversations that have made me question some of my beliefs and tendencies. The feedback I received made me reflect on my thought process and the way I subconsciously react to alternative points of view, and I think the lessons I’ve learnt are worth sharing.
I believe that if there’s a fundamental prerequisite for any sort of meaningful change in life, it involves deflating your ego. To have a meaningful conversation around ego, I think it’s valuable to define what it means. A quick google search tells me that ego is a `person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance`. What’s interesting is that there doesn’t seem to be any implication built into the definition, and ego isn’t inherently a bad thing. For some ego can be inflated, and for others ego can be relatively deflated. The definition of humble demonstrates this well - `having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance`.
In college I would often have debates or discussions with my roommates in which I found myself blindly fighting for my point of view without ever stopping to listen, internalize, and think about the opposing point of view. It took a few heated debates and follow up conversations for me to realize that, but in the end I’m very glad that I did. After I realized this simple fact, I naturally started to wonder why I never stopped to internalize the opposing point of view. After all, that’s how conversations are supposed to work right? If someone tells you something, it’s expected that you listen to it and only respond after internalizing what they said. Why was I so inclined to just skip that obvious step? I did this because in my mind, I had already determined I was correct. It didn’t matter what the other person had to say. I was right, and the decision was made. Once this decision was made, my mind had no reason to internalize opposing points of view; it only paid attention to things that aligned with the predetermined decision. As a result, I became a person who ferociously fought for ideologies and perspectives that were never blessed with the influence of diverse, alternative points of view.
But why are diverse, alternative points of view important? I think they’re important because a person’s perspective comes in large part from their experiences. Every person has a different set of experiences based on their life circumstances, and thus has different perspectives. Failure to seek out these alternative perspectives and allow them to influence your own means that you are ignoring an immeasurable amount of equally valid data points. I don’t think anyone inherently has a perspective that can speak for everyone. So every time you hear an alternative point of view and let it inform your perspective, you become someone who respects the nuanced nature of life a little bit more. You realize that there are billions of people out there, all with their own unique perspectives. Some you may resonate with and some you may not, but in the end they are all valid. Even the simple act of acknowledging that reality can help you appreciate how non-binary life can be. And this is why the wisest people I know are always the best listeners. They talk the least because they’re aware of how much they don't know. They’re always open to other experiences and perspectives because they limit the importance they place on themselves. They’re humble.
So how does this relate to shitting on things? As someone who has a naturally crass personality, I shit on things a lot. In part it’s due to my sense of humor, and I’m usually not serious about it. Recently though, someone close to me was telling me about subconscious awareness and how divinity can help in the process. The conversation went to things like Tarot cards and readings, and if you know me, you can probably guess my reaction. I started joking around about how Tarot card readings are bullshit and how it doesn’t make any sense at all. Keep in mind that I know nothing about Tarot, and have never put in any diligent effort to learn about it. When I reacted like this, the person I was talking to told me that my reaction was disrespectful and very closed off. They asked me if I knew anything about how Tarot worked, and how I was making these determinations with no knowledge on the subject. I had no good response. As I've been reflecting on this feedback, I’ve noticed a pattern. When I shit on things, I feel the same inflated ego that I felt in my college apartment debating with my roommates. I feel the same sense of self importance that I am somehow above the thing I am shitting on. I think that’s bad. Even if I don’t believe in Tarot, maybe there is something of value in its teachings. Maybe there is an opportunity in that realm that can enhance me in some way. Even if I am just joking, that subconscious ego shift blocks me from being open to its possibilities. In the end, I’d rather be more open. I’d rather be someone who refrains from jumping to conclusions. Whether those conclusions are jokes or sincere feelings, I’d like to respect the nuance of life and the validity of different perspectives. I’d rather not constantly shit on things and put myself in an egotistical mindset. I’d like to be more humble.